link to the oct 3 blog entry

A few uncommon things have happened recently. Once again emotions and the manipulative power of words and green-eyed monsters conspired against me and I was brought into a plaza naked in the midst of pointing fingers and accusing stares.

In the ugliness of those conditions I sought the comfort of the unfamiliar, newly-renovated adoration chapel and found myself waiting for something -- not necessarily the one who pained me -- to save me from the loneliness I felt after realising there still are parts of me that only I could understand and will always be misunderstood by even the closest ties.

As I thought about the things that I said and did which made p see red, I began to think about how I painted my secret memories with such romantic hues and erased the blots and bad spots. How unfair it was for me to shun those things and box them into my past for p's sake. I didn't even give him a chance to confront me and when he did get the chance it was too late to argue about things that weren't there anymore and it surely frustrated him...I'm pretty sure I put some stuff in his thoughts that made him wonder about how stable or unstable we really were as a couple; luckily we ended up forgiving each other and staying together after all that.

So this is how it really is to love someone for a long time.